Saturday Night Live had plenty of fodder to work with in parodying the last week of news, but in the end, writers decided to kick the show off with everyone’s favorite target: former Trump fixer and stooge, Michael Cohen.
In Saturday’s cold open, actor Ben Stiller reprises his role as Cohen in a spoof of the former Trump attorney’s testimony before the House Oversight Committee this week. Stiller plays Cohen as a clueless idiot who is easily confused and repeatedly mistakes the congressional hearing as a court appearance.
At one point in his prepared remarks (co-written by “the guys who wrote ‘Green Book’”), Stiller recites the lyrics of 1990s pop song “Torn,” from Australian singer Natalie Imbruglia. And though Cohen admits he lied under oath before Congress once before, this time, he, “like, really mean[s] it.”
“I know that I was wrong,” Stiller said as Cohen. “And I know it, because I got caught.”
In an extended bit laced throughout the cold open, members of the House Oversight Committee take joy in trolling Rep. Jim Jordan, an Ohio Republican played by an extremely high-strung SNL alum, Bill Hader. Several congressional Democrats offer to yield their allotted time for questioning to the unhinged Jordan so they can sit back and watch him “dig his own grave.” Hader, as Jordan, doesn’t disappoint.
“You lying piece of human TRASH!” he yells. “I’m angry I have to sit here through this two-bit, fleabag CIRCUS!
“I’m so angry I couldn’t even wear a JACKET today! You know something, Mr. Cohen, I’ve never even HEARD of you!”
“Your mother has,” Stiller quips as Cohen.
“You don’t sass me with your liar mouth. I’m about to POP OFF!” Hader practically screams.
The two hosts of the Weekend Update segment, Colin Jost and Michael Che, didn’t go much easier on Cohen later in the show. They compared him to a “chubby sewer rat that got stuck in a manhole,” joked that he looks like a guy who shaves in his car, and said they weren’t buying his “damsel in distress routine.”
“You stole a United States presidency — why are you acting like a bitch now?” Che joked.
“Your voice wasn’t trembling when you was threatening schoolteachers and shaking down porn stars. I want to hear that guy talk to Congress,” he continued. “At least Donald Trump has the decency to slowly fall apart until he is dragged off in handcuffs like a boss. I mean, that’s how I want to leave SNL.”