How Do I Stop Caring If People Like Me?
So why do some of us care so deeply about what others think, to the point of obsessing over every interaction, when other people really don’t care at all?
Erin Brandel Dykhuizen, psychotherapist, tells me that it’s a natural human impulse to seek connection and approval. She references
polyvagal theory, which posits that the least stressful way to re-regulate after
a traumatic experience is to connect with others and seek reassurance from them. “It is important for our stress regulation to be around others that we see as sources of support, and in order to see others as sources of support or reassurance, we need to believe that they have a positive opinion of us.” To that end, it makes sense that those with more trauma are more likely to want to be liked.